sometimes i listen to pandora radio. it's fairly amazing. when i have it set to ginny owens, i often hear a nichole nordeman song called 'legacy.' it really pulls at me because of its simplicity. i think that's why i like contemporary christian music so much. it's so simple. regardless, this part of the song always gets to me and makes me think about how people really will remember me and whether or not i'm spending my time loving people and praising jesus.

I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough
To make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace who
blessed your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy

today i did yoga on the porch in the sun. it was incredible. yoga indoors cannot compare to yoga in the sunlight. spring is such an incredible season because everything is new and hope is in the air.

today felt very long. there were spaces of my day where i felt like i should be filling it with something like studying or letter-writing or organizing, but i wasn't prepared. on the bart this morning i simply sat there staring at people. i had no book to read, no articles to examine, no stationary on which to compose love letters to friends. during my fairly miserable class that i had today, i could have studied for a stats exam that i have next week (next week!), written more letters, organized my life. then i had an hour break and i could have done something meaningful, but i didn't do anything.

unproductive. going through the motions. fairly useless.

i think spring break was a terrible idea - i rediscovered how wonderful it is to let go of every iota of stress in my body. while school doesn't actively stress me out like it did last semester, there is an underlying cord that pulls at me constantly throughout the day. it is as if i am primed for action that doesn't exist. and yet, i'm sure it should.

i am disappointed when i feel like i have not fully appreciated a day. when i have let my selfishness cloud my ability to love. to rest. to trust. to let go of the cord that keeps me tied to the ground. my days are not always like this, but these ones are reminders that going through the motions is not what Jesus had in mind.

i've been taking excessive amounts of naps during my stay here in boston. i'm not usually a napping type person, but so far i have had no trouble falling asleep at any point in the afternoon. maybe my body is fighting off a cold or i have underlying stress or something. i usually wake up from the nap feeling extremely groggy and uncomfortable, kicking myself that i slept through the afternoon.

breaks when you are a student are misleading. they tell you that you are on vacation, but really, there is no vacation. the work still looms in the background, work that i have yet to get to. i better get into gear, that's for sure. but all i want to do is nap.

so we sing from rooftops

i've finally switched over from xanga. it's like getting a haircut or moving into a new apartment. starting over. clean slate. i'm excited.

i'm in boston for my spring break visiting people i love and reminiscing about a year ago when i used to feel like i belonged in this town. it's strange how i feel like a visitor, not really comfortable to walk the streets alone even though i know my way around better than current residents. of course, life moves on regardless of whether or not i'm living here, but returning makes me mourn the days when i could claim this city as my own, knowing i was in the center of it all. now i feel forgotten and unnecessary. clumsy on the brick sidewalks, uncertain as i cross the streets. what a metaphor for my life.

in other news, i found an apartment for this summer! very exciting. it is a huge studio with big windows and is right next to a park (see photo above). it will be the first time i will be living in an apartment complex as opposed to a house-like apartment building. something to look forward to. i called the girl back right away to let her know i wanted it for sure and she kind of laughed at me for being so excited. a blessing indeed.