what if we

i spent a lot of time yesterday looking for new music. in the midst of this search, i stumbled upon a new album called, "what if we." it made me long for this church that i used to go to, where the words that were spoken at every meeting were, "what would it look like if..." this concept of living out the love of christ. what would it look like? what would that mean? how would it change...everything? it was a powerful question that continues to challenge me at different moments in my life.

i've spent a lot of time these past two weeks being lonely. or irritable. or bitter. there has been a lot of angst around friends staying in touch and petty bickering about who is trying harder to make those relationships work. what would it look like if i just loved them, simply, where they are at, not who i want them to be? gave up my own sadness and hurt and need to be genuinely caring and compassionate to people who mean so much to me? it's a difficult place to be, especially for someone like myself who is stubborn, and self-righteous much of the time.

in order to help me along my way in this desire to really truly love people (to be on good terms, to not hold grudges, to not talk negatively about) i have some mantras. "do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider other better than yourselves" philippians 2:3. this one sits in a "verse-a-day" envelope on the wall above my desk that cassie made for me long ago. i refuse to change the index card to the next verse because this one speaks to me so strongly i like having the physical reminder of it. my other mantras include, "seven times seventy" in reference to the verse about forgiving people not seven times, but seven times seventy times. i think that's how it goes. it's really hard to forgive someone of the same hurt multiple times. but i am trying. i definitely don't succeed very often, but i keep on trying. and the last one is one of my favorites (of course it's from some chain email), "be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle." this really gets me through moments when i am judging other people or when i think really bad thoughts about someone. it gives me a moment to recognize them as human beings with their own struggles and difficulties. no one is perfect. even those people who i see as having all their stuff together - even they are not perfect and are dealing with their own inner battles. it helps me to love them better.

peter and i always talk in buber language when we are discussing our relationship or the relationship we have with others. buber is brilliant and should be read at some point in everyone's life, even if it is just his wikipedia page. but this main concept of "i-thou" has been pivotal in how i think about relationships to the people i love, the people i don't, the people i don't know, God, and the world at large. it is this concept of not objectifying the person, not making your relationship with them an "i-it" relationship. not making that person an "other" without feelings, cares, or soul. it is when we see people for who they are, rather than who we think they are that we are making the relationship, "i-thou." for me and peter it goes something like this, usually post-tiff: "i wasn't able to i-thou you then. i'm sorry." it is a very powerful concept that has also been something i have included in my running thoughts.

i expect change to occur in my life. i believe it can happen. i know i will not succeed. it is living with this constant failure to make people "thous" instead of "its" that makes me understand how much i need grace. and how if i can so easily fall short of what jesus asks me to do (love people) and how much forgiveness he is capable of, then there is no reason i cannot do the same for others.

what if we...

it's a very powerful thing indeed.